Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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