i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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