I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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