i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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