I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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