I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
