I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
