hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
