The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
