Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
