I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
