he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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