Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
