Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
