If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
