My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
