I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were trust falling into bushes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
