i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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