I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
