OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
