..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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