i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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