dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
