Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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