I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
