he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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