Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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