Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
