shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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