are you still at the devil's house?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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