I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
