As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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