alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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