I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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