If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Come on in and take your pants off
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