Jerry, you need to find god
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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