You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
