So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
