sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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