A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
