dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
