Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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