ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
