I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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