So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
