She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
