based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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