Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
