I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
