Your dad touched me again.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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