my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
