That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
