Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
