Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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