Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
