She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
