Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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