i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
