Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
